About the Author

I'm a financial Houdini specializing in the art of making money appear in places others thought impossible. After years spent in the trenches of a bulge bracket investment bank (where I mastered the ancient art of sleeping under my desk while maintaining perfect hair for morning meetings), I escaped to the slightly more dignified world of special situations investing.

What are "special situations," you ask? That's finance-speak for "where others see dumpster fires, I see opportunities." Distressed assets, corporate restructurings, complex arbitrage plays—if it makes most investors scratch their heads and reach for antacids, I'm probably interested.

My professional philosophy is simple: the market is frequently wrong, occasionally irrational, and always entertaining. I specialize in finding those moments when the spreadsheets diverge from reality and exploiting them before everyone else catches on.

This Substack is where I share insights on markets too niche for mainstream coverage, analysis too irreverent for institutional investors, and jokes too finance-specific to share at normal dinner parties. Expect deep dives into European defense funding mechanisms one week and impassioned rants about the accounting treatment of goodwill the next.

You'll notice an inexplicable abundance of Muppet imagery throughout this publication. This stems from my hedge fund, Muppet Capital, which was born from the profound realization that we're all essentially Muppets—flailing about at the mercy of our emotions, policy decisions, envy, and delusions of control. Like Kermit once (never) said: "It's not easy being green... or maintaining rational investment decisions in irrational markets."

The Muppet philosophy isn't just a quirky aesthetic choice—it's the cornerstone of my investment approach. Once you accept that markets are puppet shows, with strings pulled by forces both visible and hidden, you gain a peculiar kind of freedom. After all, if we're all Muppets, we might as well be the Muppets who see the strings.

Fair warning: I may occasionally use terms like "EV/EBITDA multiple expansion" without explanation, discuss the finer points of covenant-lite debt structures over breakfast, and get unreasonably excited about changes to bankruptcy laws. If this doesn't sound like your idea of a good time, I'm not entirely sure how you ended up here.

For the brave souls who remain: welcome to the financial jungle. I can't promise we'll get rich, but I can guarantee you'll never look at a balance sheet the same way again. And remember, in the immortal words that Animal never actually said: "PROFIT! PROFIT! PROFIT!"

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER

This publication contains the ramblings of a sleep-deprived special situations investor who may or may not be caffeinated at time of writing. The views expressed herein are solely mine and do not represent the views of my employer, my former employers, or any puppet-based entertainment conglomerate.

Nothing in this publication constitutes investment advice, financial advice, legal advice, tax advice, or advice of any kind whatsoever. It's barely coherent most days. All content is provided for informational and entertainment purposes only.

The financial analysis presented may contain numbers that appear to add up, but should be verified independently by anyone foolish enough to act upon them. Past performance is not indicative of future results, though past mistakes are often indicative of future mistakes.

Any resemblance to actual financial strategies, living or dead, is purely coincidental. References to specific securities should not be construed as recommendations to buy, sell, or set on fire. Investments discussed may rise, fall, or spontaneously transform into interpretive dance performances.

I may hold positions in securities mentioned, because that's literally my job. You should assume I am talking my book, even when I explicitly say I'm not. Especially when I explicitly say I'm not.

Forward-looking statements are exactly that—statements looking forward, squinting into an uncertain future with deeply flawed vision. Consider them the financial equivalent of your horoscope, but with more charts.

Remember: In the immortal words never uttered by Elmo, "Diversification is for those who don't know what they're doing. Fortunately, that's most of us."

Invest at your own risk. Laugh at your own discretion. And never, ever take financial advice from someone who personifies market forces as Muppet characters.